Fuck I'm gaining weight again, it's freakin' gay. I need to lose at least 13 lbs by the end of this week. I'm thinking about starving myself, or just barely eating enough. This weekend was pretty nice; on Friday we went over to Juan's house to drink. Then on Saturday we went up north to go "camping," it was really fun. I felt really, really dirty afterward. But here I am now writing to you. This week my whole being is set on lose some fucking weight mode. Blah Blah Blah, it's wishing time and I wish for that...

It was so nice!



Today was the same as the others, boring. I smoked hookah today with Alex and Jordan, it was relaxing. I hate the way I live right now and I hate not being able to carry my own weight in this world. I just want to get a damn job and I want to get my own place. I don't know what to do I need some clarity in my life. Where to get it though? I need a sign. I am so unhappy right now, I hate where I'm living. I've basically been homeless for almost year. It's insane; I would have never though that I'd be in such a predicament. After Spring break I need to go on a serious job hunt.

Life is so goddamn confusing. One moment you can be happy and basically careless and the next your fucking knee-deep in shit. How does everything get so stupid so fast? Just let me go back in time to early December, I'd fix everything that's wrong now. I don't know what I want now, I'm so confused with my life. California was extra nice and I just wish I could leave to there and never come back here. Life's definitely like a slot machine- timing is everything.