This life of mine oh so confusing.
Never offering any clarity-fogged like my mind.
We work so hard at life, but in the end who will know what we have done?
Who will know the hardships and heartbreak we have endured?
What becomes of the world when we are gone?
So many question need answering yet there is so little time to analyze.

I guess that the past two days have been without incident. It was actually a good weekend, I decided to start talking to my dad again after about three months of not speaking to him. Anyway we decided to grill today, it was nice. I still really want a girlfriend, even though most guys won't admit this, I'm not afraid to; I actually want a loving relationship for myself. It's really not all about having sex, though I don't mind it, it's just a lot better when it's with someone you love or a least think you love. Being happy is definitely on top of my personal wish list. I'm just far too ingrained on what people'll say if I date a chick that I like. I think that I have good taste in girls, if only I lived somewhere where not everyone would be able to see my everyday life.(that was directed to mostly people that know me closely).
I hope school turns out well tomorrow.

Today was an exact example of how I don't want to be for another fucking Valentine's Day. The only person I could ever think of spending it with was with someone else on account that I'm not a white guy. What fucking bullshit?Right? Anyway I'm pretty much past that, I just hope Karma comes and bites back fucking hard. I wonder if anyone else has the same exact problem as me right now. I know it seems like I'm being desperate, but I like to think of it as taking an incentive to speed things up. I"m going to start my search for happiness by looking for a girl that's willing to see me for me and not have some stupid fucking bias. I don't date Mexicans. What purpose drives people to be so fucking close-minded?
Ugh I guess, goodnight to whoever reads this, I hope you've had a better day than I have.

I feel rejuvenated today, I think I'm finally back to being my normal self. I've finally let go and I must say it feels really good not having to worry about someone else's feelings before your own. Today was really chill and easy as hell-- that rhymed but that's exactly what popped into my head, so I'm going to go with that. I had a conversation with Vince today about life in general and I felt like I was breaking barriers within myself just with my philosophies on life. Things are quite dandy I hope that things go up from here on so that things just get easier to accomplish. Opening my eyes was as easy as just putting my foot down for what's good for me.

I'm so fucking confused right now, I don't know what the fuck I can do to fix this, but at least I got some time. Life is just one big fucking combination lock with lots of possibilities but only one right. I don't think I'm very good at finding the right thing, how can I be such a fuck-up sometimes? It's just that some people are impossible to figure out but I'm not one to give up so easily I've got to give all I've got at everything that I do. I'm not going to be so easily defeated even though sometimes I've got to take a hit to make things right and I'm good with that. Things can get really sketchy at times, but just keeping the screws tight in my head should allow me to pull through. Living in contradictions isn't very smart either so choices need to be made or else I'm going to be stuck in a rough place. People just can't recognize a genuine person when they see one and they're not to blame, I've got to show who I really am and I got to stop being afraid of what people think of me. I'll never get what I want that way.

It has been raining all day. It's really stupid because it ruins a lot that I want to do. I swear that I'm just sick of some people, I hate the way they just make dumbass reasons just to act mad at me.some things are just meant to die after a short period of time and that's exactly what's happening right now. I know that I'm always writing in figurative language ,but that just happens, I'm just a blender.

Life can be oh so predictable sometimes, but we do have the power to change. Life can be as easy as finding a tree or as hard as finding a UFO, but one thing we can do is remain optimistic. I don't know what came over me today but I am deeply humbled by the way I live now and I realize that it could be so much worse. So why stress over it? I think I'm just going to live my life as it comes and not think so much, I just need to take the course of action that reflects me. I don't know exactly who wrote this but it's a great quote and I want to live by it, "The biggest mistake someone can make is being afraid to make one." It make so much sense...
There's more than just merely living, indulge! Curse, Fuck, Play, Fight, Live!
Learn to understand things around you be accepting and not excepting, there's always room for change.