Life can be oh so predictable sometimes, but we do have the power to change. Life can be as easy as finding a tree or as hard as finding a UFO, but one thing we can do is remain optimistic. I don't know what came over me today but I am deeply humbled by the way I live now and I realize that it could be so much worse. So why stress over it? I think I'm just going to live my life as it comes and not think so much, I just need to take the course of action that reflects me. I don't know exactly who wrote this but it's a great quote and I want to live by it, "The biggest mistake someone can make is being afraid to make one." It make so much sense...
There's more than just merely living, indulge! Curse, Fuck, Play, Fight, Live!
Learn to understand things around you be accepting and not excepting, there's always room for change.

I guess that I'll just get back into my trend of blogging, it's sort of fun after all. Anyway I just wanted to talk to myself, I had a pretty good day it wasn't too exciting, I did the usual.
which was to go to school, have a talk with some friends at lunch, leave, come back, drop off Mariah, and hang out with my boys. You know it's funny that even though someone doesn't do too much during the day, it's still better than being home by yourself. Although I don't have much now I still want it all. Is that bad? Do I even care anymore? It's just that there's always something more to life than just the 'norm' I want it, but I can't fucking get it, I know what it is, but I can't fucking get it. I guess there really are times when you just have to say "don't be an idiot, open your goddamn eyes and walk your happy-ass away." But I'm too stubborn to listen to even myself, but I need to because I'm just breaking myself down. I've already got my eye set on someone else now, I haven't seen her in a few days now and I'm starting to just look for random girls that'll fill the hole in this life of mine. And I always say this and I'll say it till the day I kick the fucking bucket, I just want to be happy. Things don't stay the same so I shouldn't be foolish and move the fuck on. But with Valentine's Day just around the corner... I'd be really nice to actually participate and with someone I actually like, but if I did it would be a completely one-sided thing and I'd look like a goddamn fool. I just don't know anymore, but I'm going to keep optimistic about this and just hope that the absolute best comes to me because I'm always looking but I never seem to find it.

Gosh it's been so long again, I don't even feel like counting the days that I haven't blogged online. But I'll get started anyway, so I've been good for the whole month of January, but I know that it could have been far better than what it was. I still haven't stopped smoking, I can't, I need it way too much. It does help me cope with a lot. I still want a girlfriend and I don't that I'll find anyone soon, but I still hope that I can find this one girl, but I haven't seen her lately and I don't even know her name. But I hope I can find her and start talking to her. I've recently re-kindled my passion for California and I want to go live there after high school. I don't know though, I'm not sure about anything anymore. I simply just want to be happy with my life and not have to worry so much, I want to have something that'll keep me sane or someone for that matter.

It's been fourteen days since I've written here and not much has changed. I haven't gotten much done at all and it really bothers me. I've already broken one of my resolutions which was to quit smoking, I guess I'm not yet strong enough to deal with life without a little nicotine. As for "you", I don't know exactly what to do, I don't understand you and I don't think that I'll ever know truly what you think. I don't even know if I should keep trying maybe it's finally time for me just to get on with my life and find someone else. But no one, that I know of can ever remotely be like you, that's probably what drew me to you. Oh well, that life we live for the moment only.

Today seemed to be pretty good, I mean I don't feel any problems right now. Now I really know why and I'm glad it happened you got what you deserved. I can't believe I'm finally going to get a job! I can't wait to save a lot of money so that I can buy a car... I hope life just gets better, I hope that person I'm thinking of can come to their senses can just look past what I am and see who I really am. Now that I know what potential I have I'm going to use it, I've just got to give off the right vibe.
I must confess, but I'm in love with my own sins.
-Fall out boy

So today was just a total waste of time. I tried to get my phone activated, but it didn't work apparently I don't have service on it. Here we go again I wish I had a girl that I can rely on and that doesn't let me down. I just feel like I have huge hole in me and when I'm with a girl I really like(ed) it all goes away.
I just want to find someone that can accept me for who I am and that makes me feel good about myself. At least I've got another 362 days to find her. Lately I feel so damn bored I know exactly what it is and everything reminds me of what it is, seriously there has been so many signs today it's insane or am I? Maybe I am but who cares? The resolutions for this year that I have made have definitely made time feel a lot longer than it really is. I don't know if I want to go back to school or not because I don't know how it'll turn out, fuck it though I've just got to get myself out there. Hopefully something give way soon, something good needs to happen.

2009 who would have though that I'd make it this far? Not me that's for sure, so much has changed for me some good and some bad ones. But I don't regret any of it nor would I trade it for the world. If it's one thing I've learned from 2008 it's that people can be very deceitful and the only thing you really have is yourself. Some things I can honestly say I would have done differently some things, but hey, we learn from trial and error. Mostly errors though. I've been shaped into a totally different person but I like the way I am. Oh yeah one of the most valuable things I learned too was; how to truly appreciate what I do and I don't have. As for 2009 I'm ready to further myself into what I will become and the power to resolute what I want.
1. Quit smoking
2. Get the girl I'm crazy about
3. Lose weight
4. Finish school
5. Move into my own place
6. Get a car
7. Be who I really am
8. Weed out the "scum"
9. Live my life
Here I come 2009 so be ready for me because this is MY TIME.